Let's Talk About Being Broken

 This year has had some amazing ups and some super low downs.  Today, I want to talk about the downs.  For the first time in my life I am now on a regular dose of pain medication because I have been fighting back pain that I have not been able to get any relief from...

I am active.

I love to dance.

I love to move.

I love to live a super active life.

…and having chronic pain that makes me not want to get out of bed….well, that sucks (my Momma would say that is a curse word, but I think it is ok to use it in this context).  I had high aspirations of what I was going to achieve from a physical standpoint this year and my first set back this year was a nasty calf muscle tear that resulted in blood pooling all around my leg and me not being able to walk very well for six weeks.  After recovering from that, I started slowly trying to work out again and then I started having some pretty bad back pain.  This has happened on and off since about 2018 and usually I just work through it.  This time it was different.  There was no 'working through it'.  My leg burned on a regular basis from something going on with my nerves and I found myself crying in pain and literally laying in the bed for hours not wanting to get up because laying down hurt and I knew standing up would hurt more. 

I went to the doctor and he casually said I had scoliosis.  I was shook because I had an X-ray and MRI just a couple of years ago and at that time I had a stick strait spine.  Now I have a spine like an S?  What in the ever loving world is going on? A new MRI revealed what they are calling 'degenerative changes' but because all doctors seem super busy it will be a month before I can see a specialist to try to formulate a plan to start addressing this and trying to get me on some path of recovery or normalcy if I do in fact have a crooked spine now.  

I feel to young to hang up the towel and to stop living and to accept this level of pain and discomfort will be my norm. I do not want to give up when I have so many goals I want to achieve.  I know this is a battle that many people face and I wish I had answers.  I pray I find them, and if I do, I will share them because chronic pain and the loose of quality of life is not anything I want anyone else to have to go through.  

Thank you for listening and God Bless.

When it Fails

 The last week + I have been a bit distracted because I was chasing one of my goals. We were trying to buy a small lake cabin for our family. I found a place and despite my best intentions, I fell in love with it.  Lake property is very competitive here so I knew that the deal could fall apart at any moment.  Needless to say, it did.  A competitor came in at the last moment and their offer beat ours and they got the property.  I am disappointed even though I know this is part of God's plan.  

I see the beauty in disappointment though.  Here is the why….it lets you know what you really want. If I had not cared when we lost the offer, I would have known that I did not really want the house.  But because I am sad and disappointed, I know it is something I cared about.    

Today I was working in my little storage shed (yes, it is a she-shed) and I started making a box of things to take to the lake cabin.  Wait, you did not get the cabin, what are you thinking?  I know this is something I want to achieve, so I am preparing for when it is time to do it.  I am not going to give up, I am just going to wait for another opportunity to come our way.

Have a great week! 

Shhhhhh - Be Quiet

 

I took this photo while on a cruise a few years ago.  I loved the contrast….here I was, sitting on a giant cruise ship and there was this ancient looking fishing boat floating quietly in the water.  It was tranquil, it was serene, it was beautiful.  I snapped a photo and it is one of my favorites I have ever taken.  There was such a quiet stillness to the boat, the moment seemed magical.

I have recently started trying to be like that boat, and if I am being honest, it was very recently….I am only three days in. I am trying to be quiet and still like that little boat.  I never let myself stop moving or let myself sit in quiet.  I am forever in motion and with some form of distraction around almost all the time.  

I have started making myself sit quietly for 3 minutes each morning.  After my three minutes of quiet, I write fir 5 minutes, then I study my bible and pray.  The first day, sitting for 3 minutes was so difficult!  I struggled to just be quiet, but day 2 and 3 have been easier.  I have learned so much in these moments.  Being quiet and still and then writing about what ever my mind wants to get out has been therapeutic and helpful to me.  I have been able to get chaos that has been in my head out and on paper and this seems to free up space.  

So, you may want to take a moment and quiet yourself.  Try sitting for a a minute or more and then writing for a designated time and see what comes out.  It may surprise you! 

Let's talk about number 3

 Ok, I am being super vulnerable sharing that I want to loose 40 pounds. That is not something I ever wanted to say or share….because it means the obvious, that I am 40 pounds overweight.  

That number sounds so HUGE to me.  But here is the deal.  The last couple of years, I have not taken good care of myself.  I let injuries and stress set me back and I packed on over 25 pounds. I knew I had gained, but I recently stumbled across a picture I took while on a trip….and being me I took a photo of a scale I stepped on.  The numbers did not lie and the picture did not lie.  I looked healthier, younger, and happier and that is a look I want back and in this picture, I was 23 pounds lighter than I am right now.

Now that being said, at any weight, when you gain, you can always look back and say you wished you were that size.  I know I could weigh more, and If I did, I would look back at the weight I am now and probably be ok with is, but I want to take control now because I know it only gets harder with time. 

So here is to my journey. Here is to my health. Here is to be better at 40 than at 39, 38, or even 37.

The 40th Goal

 When I was working on my list of 40 goals I left one open…it hit me today what it should be:  spend more time with those I love.  It is so easy to push off dinners, get-togethers, and events but the reality is, these are the things that I believe help fill our buckets and help keep us going.  As humans, we need others.

So that is my Number 40 and something I am doing today.  I am taking one of my best friends out to dinner at a little Italian place that I love.  Sadly the place is closing soon due to the impact of COVID-19 over the last year.  It makes me sad, but I am happy to visit there one more time.  

Brace yourself…..ok brace myself….I am turning 40!

Holy moly.  How did this happen?  Yesterday I was 19 in college and running wild and poof, I am turning 40 in a few days.

Let me break this down for all the youth who might stumble across this…..blink and time passes.  And, if you let it, these bigger birthdays can be heavy.  They mark the passage of time in a way that I think few other things do and they force you to look at your life and asses where you are, where you have been, and where you want to go.

So I say I feel like I have blinked and missed 20 years of my life (hold on, I need to drink some wine after even saying that) but the truth is, I have done a lot of living in that time….I just want to do more and I want to make sure that what I am doing is pushing me towards a better version of me.  A me that is doing what God put me on this earth to do.  

Let me let you in on another little secret….there are few of us out there who actually have our sh*t together and know exactly what we are doing with this gift we call life.  I would say most people have a level of confusion of why they are here or what they are doing.  There is peace in that knowledge, in knowing that others do not know what the hell they are doing either.  So just take a deep breath and keep moving forward and know it is OK to not know.  

I have tons of musings I would love to add here, but the truth is….that would be boring, so let's focus on what this is about.  I have a goal.  It is BIG.  It is a bit different.  It is mine.  It is developing.  I want to accomplish 40 very different things in the next year in honor of me circling the sun 40 times. 

Here we go, in NO particular order….

1. Visit 40 new cities (I kid you not…40)
2. Complete 100 rides on my spin bike
3. Lose 40 pounds (I snorted wine writing that)
4. Volunteer at the pet shelter 4 times
5. Go on 4 girl trips
6. Camp 14 times
7. By a lake or beach cottage
8. Turn my she-shed into a lady hangout bar
9. Workout 20 times a month every month
10. Spend 4 nights with my Mom 
11. Travel out of town for an Auburn game
12. Fly somewhere fun with the hubs
13. Read the New Testament 
14. Have a Kudzu Kuties trip
15. Complete 40 lean improvements in my home
16. Cut trails through my property so we can ride the whole things
17. Complete a Spartan Trifecta
18. Do 100 double under (in less than 2 sets)
19. Travel to a new city for a 1/2 marathon
20. Take the Niece and big Nephews on a trip
21. Plan the months and not miss a family members birthday
22. Get a solid handstand pushup
23. Learn 8 songs on the ukulele
24. Go back to Nashville and dance and sing with whoever is with me
25. Learn 8 recipes from my Mom
26. Teach yoga in some capacity to some one (need to hash that one out)
27. Read one business or self-help book a month
28. Make some t-shirts to sell 
29. Create care package to give to people in need, carry at least 20 with me and 20 with the hubs
30. Secretly bless 4 servers with bigger than normal tips
31. See the Grand Canyon (how have I not done this?)
32. Go on a date a month with the hubs
33. Read an autobiography or fun book one a month
34. Focus on some level of self care, 4 times a year
35. Make a new friend
36. Blog regularly for a year
37. Limit my screen time each day (as in my cell phone)
38. Improve my procrastinating tendencies (a bad side effect of perfectionism)
39. Look at my family history with my Dad
40. Open [for a profound goal that hits me]

How about that? My big list of 40 things I want to do this year and what I want to accomplish.  You are welcome to come on this journey with me.  

Let's go!

Happy New Year 2020

So, this year, I decided my New Year would start on December 25th.  Yes, Christmas.  Yes, it's a few days before the actual start of the new year.  Yes, it probably only matters to me…..hahaha, I know if you are reading this, you are probably someone who loves me so it matters to you too.

But why?  I wanted to ease the pressure of the New Year.  I am a dramatic big goal setting person.  I like a new planner, calendar, just a total fresh start, but the pressure of January 1 sometimes makes me almost freeze.  I want it to feel perfect.  Have the perfect start the perfect into to the year the perfect everything.  And the pressure is too much.  So I will push off 'starting' until the following Monday, the next week, February, restart in July, and how about September start and so on and so forth.

But this year, I wanted to make it different, so I decided to go ahead and start 2020 on my own terms and my own date.  This has given a few extra days to think about the year coming and to get super excited about it.

I feel like there are some great things in store for 2020.  I feel like I am going to launch something big (I want to wink wink here, but I do not have a clue what that may be).  I feel like I am going to achieve some of my dreams.  I believe I will be able to make a difference in someones life.

Here is to a great new year!  Remember….Achieve Dreams Daily!

November - Day 7 - SGH

This is a hard post to make without sounding totally self indulgent.....so I am just going to do and hope, Dear Reader, you understand why this is what I am thankful for.

Today, 7 days into the month of Thanksgiving, I am thankful for my small company, Smith and Griffin Home. 

I am thankful for the company because it has given my mother and I tons of time together as we have brainstormed, created, culled, cut, cursed (only me, and not the bad words, ha ha).  Not that we needed a reason together, but this seemed to give us permission to spend the day together 'working', something we never did before.

I have also learned so much from my amazing mom.  I tell her an idea and the next time I see her, said idea has come to product form.  She totally blows me away!  So here is to my mom and Smith and Griffin Home and to the future!

Love and hugs,
Amanda

November - Day 6 - Squad

Dang, I missed a day!  Ok hold up, in my defense I had the idea of this post I just did not put it down in writing and then share it with the world.  Can I still get credit?

Today (or yesterday, but really everyday so....whatever) I am thankful for my squad!  Squad not squid...although that would be an amazing pet.  My squad is a group of ladies that I have met at my gym.  Over the last few years, the squad has changed a bit here and there, but I have had a supportive team around me, giving me motivation and encouragement and that is awesome.

I never have to run alone or workout without a cheerleader.  There is always someone around to support and cheer me on and I hope I do the same for them.  And this squad is ever evolving as life happens and ladies move in and out of my life.  I want to thank you for being a part of my journey and wether you know it or not, you are on my squad!

LOVE YOU ALL!
Amanda

November - Day 5 - Texas

I am thankful for the state of Texas. It is awesome.

Ok, I'm kidding, I am sure Texas is awesome, but what I am thankful for was an amazing trip I got to take this year with my Mom and Aunts to Texas.  We loaded up and over a week drove about 2,000 miles. The purpose of the trip was to visit my Great Uncle Bennie, but in our fashion we made a full road trip out of it.

We laughed, we cried, and we laughed until we cried.  We unloaded about the things in life that weigh us down and the fierce loyalty and support they provide is amazing to see.  These women have molded me into everything I am today.

There is hardly anything in my life that I can not look at and not think, "yeah I get that from (fill in the blank).  My love for animals and nature, Aunt Sheila.  My joy from doing nice things for people and showing compassion, Aunt Debbie. My love of fitness, Aunt Cheryl.  My work ethic and desire to please, My Mom. And on and on I could go.

I feel so incredibly blessed that as I have gotten older these women have transitioned from being my Aunts and have all become my beloved friends.  I do not fear getting older because I have seen these amazing ladies all become more and more amazing as the years go by.  My only wish is to be half of what they are.

So to these ladies, thank you for loving me and thank you for letting me be a part of something so special! Here is too many more years of adventures.

All the love,
Amanda

November - Day 4 - Coaching

Today, I am thankful for the time changing!  Just kidding...although it was nice 'gaining' and hour, I spent that hour looking around the house trying to figure out what time it really was, so...yeah...not going to waste a post on that...

What do you call something that you do not want to call a job, but it is more than a hobby?  That is the quandary I find myself in when I want to talk about Coaching at my gym. I can't call it a job, because that is just to sterile, but it is much more serious than a hobby.  I guess I will go with, passion.  Coaching is a passion for me.

I have always idolized coaches and found them invaluable in my life.  The person who leads you to do something you did not think you could do (hellllloooo back handsprings...in high school....#latebloomer) or encourages you when you think you are about to die....or throw up...normally its just throwing up....although in the moment, death seems like a real possibility.  I always thought those people were awesome.

I had this secret desire to become a Level 1 CrossFit trainer when I first started taking CrossFit classes.  My plan was just to roll up in the gym one day and tell them, "Oh by the way, I'm a Level 1 Trainer, so if you need any help coaching, just let me know".  News of my lay off (see first blog post if you want to be up to speed) made me a bit braver.  I ran into our gym owner one Sunday and told him what I wanted to do, and before I knew it, we had a plan and I starting coaching on an intern basis.  I went to CrossFit Mayhem, met amazing people (Rich Fronning and his team!! and I saw Mat Frazer!! #butwastootimidtosayhi) and got my Level 1. (insert applaud track here).

  I have been coaching ever since and I love it!  I can not think of too many things I would willingly get up at 4 in the morning for, but to be with the awesome people at my gym and to see them do amazing things, it is totally worth it.  When someone hits dubs for the first time, or gets their first pull up, or hits a full depth squat, or whatever it is; those moments are like fuel for me.  I especially love working with people who have not step foot in a gym in years.  I remember the fear of walking into a CrossFit gym the first time, it was terrifying.  I love seeing those people and knowing, they are going to do amazing things if they will just stick it out and keep coming.

So today, and everyday, I am thankful I get to coach at an awesome facility and I get to work with amazing people.  All the love to my C2 Family, thank you for your support!

Make today great,
Amanda