When it Fails

 The last week + I have been a bit distracted because I was chasing one of my goals. We were trying to buy a small lake cabin for our family. I found a place and despite my best intentions, I fell in love with it.  Lake property is very competitive here so I knew that the deal could fall apart at any moment.  Needless to say, it did.  A competitor came in at the last moment and their offer beat ours and they got the property.  I am disappointed even though I know this is part of God's plan.  

I see the beauty in disappointment though.  Here is the why….it lets you know what you really want. If I had not cared when we lost the offer, I would have known that I did not really want the house.  But because I am sad and disappointed, I know it is something I cared about.    

Today I was working in my little storage shed (yes, it is a she-shed) and I started making a box of things to take to the lake cabin.  Wait, you did not get the cabin, what are you thinking?  I know this is something I want to achieve, so I am preparing for when it is time to do it.  I am not going to give up, I am just going to wait for another opportunity to come our way.

Have a great week! 

Shhhhhh - Be Quiet

 

I took this photo while on a cruise a few years ago.  I loved the contrast….here I was, sitting on a giant cruise ship and there was this ancient looking fishing boat floating quietly in the water.  It was tranquil, it was serene, it was beautiful.  I snapped a photo and it is one of my favorites I have ever taken.  There was such a quiet stillness to the boat, the moment seemed magical.

I have recently started trying to be like that boat, and if I am being honest, it was very recently….I am only three days in. I am trying to be quiet and still like that little boat.  I never let myself stop moving or let myself sit in quiet.  I am forever in motion and with some form of distraction around almost all the time.  

I have started making myself sit quietly for 3 minutes each morning.  After my three minutes of quiet, I write fir 5 minutes, then I study my bible and pray.  The first day, sitting for 3 minutes was so difficult!  I struggled to just be quiet, but day 2 and 3 have been easier.  I have learned so much in these moments.  Being quiet and still and then writing about what ever my mind wants to get out has been therapeutic and helpful to me.  I have been able to get chaos that has been in my head out and on paper and this seems to free up space.  

So, you may want to take a moment and quiet yourself.  Try sitting for a a minute or more and then writing for a designated time and see what comes out.  It may surprise you! 

Let's talk about number 3

 Ok, I am being super vulnerable sharing that I want to loose 40 pounds. That is not something I ever wanted to say or share….because it means the obvious, that I am 40 pounds overweight.  

That number sounds so HUGE to me.  But here is the deal.  The last couple of years, I have not taken good care of myself.  I let injuries and stress set me back and I packed on over 25 pounds. I knew I had gained, but I recently stumbled across a picture I took while on a trip….and being me I took a photo of a scale I stepped on.  The numbers did not lie and the picture did not lie.  I looked healthier, younger, and happier and that is a look I want back and in this picture, I was 23 pounds lighter than I am right now.

Now that being said, at any weight, when you gain, you can always look back and say you wished you were that size.  I know I could weigh more, and If I did, I would look back at the weight I am now and probably be ok with is, but I want to take control now because I know it only gets harder with time. 

So here is to my journey. Here is to my health. Here is to be better at 40 than at 39, 38, or even 37.

The 40th Goal

 When I was working on my list of 40 goals I left one open…it hit me today what it should be:  spend more time with those I love.  It is so easy to push off dinners, get-togethers, and events but the reality is, these are the things that I believe help fill our buckets and help keep us going.  As humans, we need others.

So that is my Number 40 and something I am doing today.  I am taking one of my best friends out to dinner at a little Italian place that I love.  Sadly the place is closing soon due to the impact of COVID-19 over the last year.  It makes me sad, but I am happy to visit there one more time.  

Brace yourself…..ok brace myself….I am turning 40!

Holy moly.  How did this happen?  Yesterday I was 19 in college and running wild and poof, I am turning 40 in a few days.

Let me break this down for all the youth who might stumble across this…..blink and time passes.  And, if you let it, these bigger birthdays can be heavy.  They mark the passage of time in a way that I think few other things do and they force you to look at your life and asses where you are, where you have been, and where you want to go.

So I say I feel like I have blinked and missed 20 years of my life (hold on, I need to drink some wine after even saying that) but the truth is, I have done a lot of living in that time….I just want to do more and I want to make sure that what I am doing is pushing me towards a better version of me.  A me that is doing what God put me on this earth to do.  

Let me let you in on another little secret….there are few of us out there who actually have our sh*t together and know exactly what we are doing with this gift we call life.  I would say most people have a level of confusion of why they are here or what they are doing.  There is peace in that knowledge, in knowing that others do not know what the hell they are doing either.  So just take a deep breath and keep moving forward and know it is OK to not know.  

I have tons of musings I would love to add here, but the truth is….that would be boring, so let's focus on what this is about.  I have a goal.  It is BIG.  It is a bit different.  It is mine.  It is developing.  I want to accomplish 40 very different things in the next year in honor of me circling the sun 40 times. 

Here we go, in NO particular order….

1. Visit 40 new cities (I kid you not…40)
2. Complete 100 rides on my spin bike
3. Lose 40 pounds (I snorted wine writing that)
4. Volunteer at the pet shelter 4 times
5. Go on 4 girl trips
6. Camp 14 times
7. By a lake or beach cottage
8. Turn my she-shed into a lady hangout bar
9. Workout 20 times a month every month
10. Spend 4 nights with my Mom 
11. Travel out of town for an Auburn game
12. Fly somewhere fun with the hubs
13. Read the New Testament 
14. Have a Kudzu Kuties trip
15. Complete 40 lean improvements in my home
16. Cut trails through my property so we can ride the whole things
17. Complete a Spartan Trifecta
18. Do 100 double under (in less than 2 sets)
19. Travel to a new city for a 1/2 marathon
20. Take the Niece and big Nephews on a trip
21. Plan the months and not miss a family members birthday
22. Get a solid handstand pushup
23. Learn 8 songs on the ukulele
24. Go back to Nashville and dance and sing with whoever is with me
25. Learn 8 recipes from my Mom
26. Teach yoga in some capacity to some one (need to hash that one out)
27. Read one business or self-help book a month
28. Make some t-shirts to sell 
29. Create care package to give to people in need, carry at least 20 with me and 20 with the hubs
30. Secretly bless 4 servers with bigger than normal tips
31. See the Grand Canyon (how have I not done this?)
32. Go on a date a month with the hubs
33. Read an autobiography or fun book one a month
34. Focus on some level of self care, 4 times a year
35. Make a new friend
36. Blog regularly for a year
37. Limit my screen time each day (as in my cell phone)
38. Improve my procrastinating tendencies (a bad side effect of perfectionism)
39. Look at my family history with my Dad
40. Open [for a profound goal that hits me]

How about that? My big list of 40 things I want to do this year and what I want to accomplish.  You are welcome to come on this journey with me.  

Let's go!